The wonderful world of Shaw

A new Beginning

2011-04-12T13:40:00.000-07:00

I do believe that I need to start this blog back up!

If nothing else, but to record the crazyness that has overtaken our home! We have begun Homeschooling, and with that comes a great deal of insanity, both on my part and the part of the children!

We are also embarking into the world of hobby farming, with the hopes of becoming self sufficient and self sustaining. I am not going all crunchy granola, but I want to return to when it was so much simpler, with the addition of a garden, chickens and hopefully a milk cow. We already have three goats, who are all male, which in essence makes them glorified weed-wackers! I am looking for some female goats, so we can enlarge our herd, and make yard maintenance just that much eaisier. I have a barn that I need to clear out, a host of junk to remove from the yard and around the out buildings, and a dog run to convert into a chicken coop. My ambition is high, but sometimes my body gets in the way, and stops me in my tracks! I guess I will just take it a day at a time, and push on through.

I owe a lot of my desire to simplify to my friend Sarah, who inspired me to start making my own Laundry soap. Strange that something so simple and cost effective could have such an impact on me, but that is really how Sarah rolls! She is creative, loving and inspiring! I am so grateful to call her my best friend, and our families love to get together. (thanks heavens the husbands and all the kiddos love each other too!)

I suppose that this is good for now! Look for pictures of the progress of our "farm" and garden and kids in the coming weeks! I am back, for better or worse!

Conversation with Kori

2010-04-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

"Mama, I like you!"

"I like you too, Koko?"

"I like taco's, Mama!"

"Really? Me too!"

"No, I loooove taco's, mama!"

"Let me get this straight, you love taco's, but you only like me?"

"yup!"

"Ok, well, glad we had this conversation."

"I watchin' Dora now. Later Mama."

(10 minutes later)

"Mama, I love you!"

"I love you too, crazy kid!"

"ha ha, I not cwazzee, I Kori!"

What the Frick??

2010-04-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

I was having a really horrid morning. Then I stumbled on a site that made it all better. Because even on my worst days, I can be pretty sure that I don't look anything close to these nimrods. I think that "People of Walmart" officially has a fight on its hands!

www.poorlydressed.com

You may thank me in chocolate. Or Dr Pepper.

Strangers in my sightline

2010-04-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

A lady stood behind me at Wal-mart today. She opened the conversation by saying "Wow, that's a great summer cut!" (in reference to my 1/2 inch long hair)
"Wow, thanks, its not by choice!" I said cheerily.
"Oh, well why did you cut it off then, if you don't like it?" she asked.
"um, well, I had brain surgery. It was kinda part of the whole filleting open my head thing."
"Oh that's nice dear!" she chirped.

I was completely stymied for a response. "That's nice." REALLY?

Luckily, a very sweet lady in the parking lot complimented me on my "absolutely adorable little girl, who was being so well behaved!" She missed the performance earlier, when my "absolutely adorable little girl" was hanging off the side of the cart shrieking at the top of her lungs that she wanted Goldfish crackers and they better appear in her hands this very instant... delightful.

Random strangers are awesome. They're why I leave the house.

Being a Smurf sucks

2010-04-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today I felt Blue. As in Blue with a capital B! It stunk. I holed up in my room all day, only emerging when I figured no one else was about to grab something to eat and then scurry back to my room. I kinda felt like a cockroach. Not a pleasant feeling. I made sure Kori had breakfast to munch, Dora to watch, and stayed in my room. It took me 5 hours to convince myself I needed to shower. I scurried around the house trying to be as quiet as possible, just so no one would talk to me, or notice that I was out of my room. I was pissed that there was noise in the kitchen directly above my head. When anyone spoke to me, I was automatically looking for the condemnation and disdain. I never noticed the just plain ol' being dorky in our family.
I was pissed at the world and had no idea why.
When Joe came home from work and informed me that he was turning around to go back to the firehouse to make up some hours, I was MAD! Not because I begrudge him volunteering his time, but because he got to leave the house, and carry on a conversation with grownups! Grr! He noticed I was upset, and tried to talk to me about it. I just told him that there was nothing he could do about it, and to just drop it. He started to brainstorm ideas on how to get me out of the house. He asked me who I could call to go do something with. "Yeah right." I said, "Everyone I know has a life, or a job and gets out of the house, thus making it useless for me to call anyone!" He was all "sorry babe,I wish I knew how to fix it for you." Then he left.
About 20 minutes after he left, I was sitting on my bed, wallowing in my melancholy, and the telephone rang. Since it was a local number, I answered it. It was my friend Erin, who is one of the very sweetest people in all the world. She is also married to a cop, and understands the life we juggle. She told me that she has been thinking about me nonstop for the past few days, and had meant to call me several times. She was on her way home from work, and had this overwhelming feeling that she needed to get ahold of me. After the usual pleasantries, she asked me how I was feeling. I played dumb and said fine, and she told me I was lying, and I sounded like I was depressed. I kind of laughed at that point, since in my life there have only been 4 people that could tell when I was lying; My mom, Joe, my friend Sarah, and Erin. I admitted to feeling kinda crummy, and was trying to play it off, when she started to tell me a story about her sisters job, and how she was going to have to fire someone, and how she had called Erin and was so upset, and wondered who she was going to find to fill this position. Erin told me that she immediately thought of me! It would be a perfect job for me, close to home, working with people I like, and with the community. The hours would be great, and flexible, and the pay pretty decent. With having mom and dad living with us, I already have childcare, and trust me the extra income would be wonderful! Talk about answers to prayers I had yet to utter!
I don't know the exact time period of this, or how soon it might happen. But just the thought of it makes me perk up, and get a little more interested in life again. Shoves me right out of my rut!
I may just go for a walk tomorrow!

Opening Day or VERY CRANKY CHILDREN

2010-04-11T20:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday marked the beginning of the Little League Season for our 2 boys. Jay is in his first year of coach pitch, and Squish is in his much anticipated debut in T-ball. We spent a grand total of 8 hours at the ball fields, which was fraught with much tension, a freezing hinnie, and VERY CRANKY CHILDREN.

Some genius in the head office decided that since it was opening day, that after Team Pictures (beginning at 7:40am) and Opening ceremonies (10am), the 3 tee-ball teams would play a 2 inning, 1 hour game against each other, resulting in everyone standing around for 5 hours or more, and making for some VERY CRANKY CHILDREN. Throw into the mix the opening ceremonies running late, a "Run, Hit, Pitch" competition for the older kids and a really cold windy day, and you end up with not only VERY CRANKY CHILDREN, but a couple of homicidal mothers.

Halfway through our first game, the coach realized that if he and his 2 assistants where out on the field while all the kids were in the dugout, there would be mass chaos. (dude, I could of told him that) So, in a mild panic, he begged one of the mom's to sit in the dugout with the kids. I guess she didn't get the memo about how she would need to know the Roster, and have them in helmets, and ready to bat. When the coach started looking like his head was going to blow off, and the veins were popping out of his neck, because of the length of time between batters, I stepped in and started slapping helmets on kids, and tossing them out of the dugout. Then, as they came back in, I would whip the helmet off, stuff a cap on their head, hand them their glove and shoo them over to the other mom to have them sit down. The first game was great, the kids were having a awesome time, and fun was had by all, even the kid that took off to 3rd base instead of 1st! (at least he did it with gusto!)

Then came the second game... Sigh.

By this time, these 5 year olds were officially DONE! It was no longer fun, they were cold, starving and tired. They just wanted to go home, grab a soda, put up their feet and watch some cartoons. This is when the meltdowns began.

Number one began with our smallest girl, a sweet little blond named Lilly. She was playing shortstop, and a ball was hit right to her! She lit up, and was running to get it, when the third baseman ran in front of her, scooped up the ball and threw it Heaven knows where. (Aim and sense of direction they do not have!) Lilly was shocked! How could he? How dare he? That was her ball, and by gum, if she didn't get to touch the ball at least once in this game, it was obviously a sign from the Almighty that she was not cut out to play tee-ball, and that she had just as well hang up her glove RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!! I could see the tears in her eyes from across the field and knew we were in for a rough ride. As she came off the field at the end of the inning, she was sobbing. She threw her glove on the ground, tossed her hat after it, and flung her tiny body on the bench. At this point, I was the only one that noticed what was going on, and while I wanted to go to her, I had to get helmets on the batters. As soon as I got that accomplished (no mean feat, when you are dealing with slithery little 5 year olds) I noticed the tears were flowing fast and the sobs where wracking her body. I crouched down behind her and asked her to tell me what was wrong.

"It was my bbbball, a-a-nd I whu-whu-wuz gonna get it, and Jesse got it! I will n-n-never get another chance. This is stupid!"

"But sweetie, it's ok, this is why we have practices, and you will have more chances, and we have another inning. And guess what? Even guys in the Major Leagues miss the ball sometimes! Now, get your helmet on and get out there! It's your turn to bat!"

"B-but I want the bat with the Snaaaaaake on it! I can't go out there without the bat with the Snake on it!"

"Umm, what color is it?"

"I don't knoooooow! I just know it has a snake on it, and it's the only one I can hit the ball with!"

At this point I was ready to pull my hair out. And as you know, I don't have a whole lot right at the moment. I was looking at all the bats, turning them around to see if the elusive snake just might pop up. Thankfully, the kid ahead of her happened to show me the bat he had, and Hallelujah, it had a snake on it!

"Lilly, is that the one you want?"

"Yeah, but that kid's using it, so I can't!"

"No, No, it's ok, you can use it, I'll just go get it, and hand it to you, and you can use it!"

"Ok, that sounds good!"

I picked her up, tucked her braids into her helmet and sent her out onto the field.
Crisis averted.
Until...

I turned around and the next meltdown was in full swing. One little guy was in a fit of pique, because he just KNEW he was next to bat, and couldn't wrap his head around the fact that the coaches had changed the roster for the second game. He was standing in the doorway of the dugout, holding a bat, brandishing it at anyone who dared to try to go through the door.

"It's my turn to Bat!"

"No, honey, it's not quite your turn!"

"But I was before Samantha, and she just went, and so why is she out there, and it's my turn!"

With that, he ran out the door and headed for home plate.

The coach looked at me with confusion in his eyes, wondering just what was happening in the dugout, since he now had 2 batters, and neither one was looking like they would be too pleased about being sent back to sit down, Especially since the first one out there was trying to swing, and the second kid was about to get nailed in the noggin!

I ran out, grabbed the little guy and scooted back into the dugout. At this point, his meltdown went from about a 3 on the Richter scale to a full blown hissy fit! His helmet flew off, and he curled into a little ball on the bench.

"Buddy, you just need to look here on the roster! here's your name, right here, see? It's a new game, so coach changed the order. That's all, you still get to bat. In fact it's your turn right now!!"

"It is my turn! I wanna bat!"

"Yeah, I know you do, so get your helmet back on, and you can go back out there!"

"It's my Tuuuuuuurnnnnn!"

At this point, I stuffed him back into his helmet, grabbed a bat and deposited him at the dugout door. The coach was calling for him to come out, and he was so mad, that he wouldn't go!
Finally he got it together, and sauntered out to the plate. He hit the ball off the tee and took off with a grin of pure pleasure on his face towards 1st base! It was his turn!

Following the tee ball games, my 7 year old gave his best efforts in the "Run, Hit and Pitch" Competition. (Unfortunatly, he is about as athletically gifted as his mother. Ok, he's a bit better) He tried his hardest, but didn't even place. He was sorely disappointed, and being so exhausted, was being very hard on himself. I found myself trying to prop up his tender ego, while also trying to teach him about the hard facts of life. (It was rigged, it was a dumb competition anyway, the umps are blind, you just may run like a girl... you know, the normal stuff)

At three pm we stumbled out to the parking lot, exhausted, dirty, cold, hungry and mentally drained. My 2 year old started to flop on the ground, having missed her nap time, and was well on her way to her own epic meltdown. It is safe to say she was a VERY CRANKY CHILD. Tears were flowing freely, hers, mine, the 7 year old's and I was pretty sure that the 5 year old and the 9 year old were close on our heels.

Next year, I plan on calling in sick.

Quiet, for now...

2010-04-07T12:34:00.001-07:00

Is it wrong of me to be enjoying these couple days of Kori being sick? I mean, I really don't like the fact that she feels crummy, or that she has explosive "DIARRHEA!" or was vomiting after every meal. But I enjoy the fact that she has been quiet, likes to cuddle again, and is willing to nap. She is usually so full of energy, that I go a little insane. Right now, she doesn't fight me when I ask her to lay down for a nap, she is using her words instead of screaming at the tops of her lungs and (wonder of wonders) she hasn't smacked either of her brothers in a few days.

I want her to be back to full 2 year old crazed monkeydom very soon. But for the moment, I think I will just thank the good Lord for the blessing of this reminder that she really is a sweet little girl, not a crazed, bloodthirsty demon from the planet "GIMME THAT OR I'LL EAT YOUR FACE!"

Easter Bunny's Revenge

2010-04-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

The last thing I wanted to hear from the lips of my husband where these words: " Honey, I think the kid is about to explode!" Apparently, the 2 year old had found her limit of Easter candy, and was about to share that limit with the rest of us. With tummy rumbling and gurgling, I rushed her into the bathroom, stripped the tutu off of her and tossed her onto the toilet, thankfully remembering to lift the seat, (unlike the last time... sigh). Ah, safe landing with many giggles, and her little voice saying "mama, you funny!"
Then, the gates of hell opened, and waged war upon our nostrils. Seriously, I live with a man that can make a stink like no other, (actually 2 of them) and this rivalled pretty much anything he has ever done. Well except for that one time back in 2005... but we try not to talk about it. I ran from our bathroom, with the stench hot on my heels, and my husband laughing his guts off while sitting a safe distance away on our bed. Then, the sweet little girl that had just destroyed my will to live called me back: "Mama, I need hep. Canou wipe my bum, Peeeze? Mama, I gots DIARRHEA!"(like I didn't get that? AHHHG!)
Holding my breathe, I ran for the bathroom, grabbing toilet paper in my frenzy to get in and out as fast as possible! Yanking her off the toilet, swiping fruitlessly at her bottom, then tossing the soiled ick into the toilet, I then tried to get her panties pulled back up as fast as humanly possible. Through the black spots that were now dancing in my eyes, from lack of oxygen, I remembered to flush, washed our hands in record time and ran from the room.
As I regained my sanity, and was trying to get the kids to clean up before bedtime, I made the fatal mistake of walking back into my bedroom. The wall of funk that met me was truly unimaginable. I held my breathe, ran in, flipped on the fan, and slammed the door. All the while, my supportive husband is in the background making gagging noises and screaming things like "How in the name of all that is Holy did that come out of her?" and "Oh my gosh, do you think that it will ever stop?" and "I can't take it, we may have to burn down the house!"
Now the little darling is all snuggled down in her bed, ready to go night night. All will be well, until the inevitable moment when her sister comes tearing down the hall, eyes welled up, choking on her breath, to tell me that "Mom, it's horrible!Kori needs you!"

a day in the life of our Durango

2010-04-01T14:49:00.001-07:00

Ok, so you know when you have a crazed 2 year old living in your house, and you pretty much want to keep her happy at all times, because to suffer her wrath is a little more scary then anything you may have faced in your life before? (the errant pinching and squawking is rather intense)
No? Really? It's just me?
How about when your 5 year old and 7 year old boys like to get together and plot how they are going to take over the world, and you're afraid that they JUST MIGHT DO IT?? Again, just me?
Oh, wait, what about the 9 1/2 year old drama queen that has a meltdown at the word no, (because "I hate my life and no one understands me!"), is all sunshine and roses for her friends' parents, and likes to give you the stinkeye when you dare to ask her to go to bed before her "new and very much grownup bedtime of 9pm!" (hah, I know some of you out there have those ones lurking in your homes, don't try to deny it!)

But then I have moments like when we are in the truck, and singing Disney songs at the top of our lungs, racing to name the Movie that it comes from, and trying to sing in the funny voices. ("Kiss the Girl" from Little Mermaid anyone? Gotta love Sebastian, and the crazy ya ya ya ya ya's!) Those moments when even the 2 year old maniac is singing along, and the boys aren't beating each other or poking their sister and the 9 year old is singing softly, trying to make sure she gets each and every word right. Those are the moments that make me so glad to be a mom, and so absolutely proud to be the mom of these particular ones!

Each one is a kook, but I suppose they come by it honestly. Joe and I sure aren't your average, run of the mill definition of the word "Normal".

and I wouldn't want it any other way! I so love my life at this very moment!

I can't wait

2010-03-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

I can't wait till this is all just a distant memory, till it is a funny story that my kids tell my grandkids: "when I was your age, gramma had to shave her head, and had brain surgery! Yup it sure explains alot about her and her quirks, doesn't it?"
I want it to be over, and done, to be healthy once again, without dependance on others, to be the one giving service. I think that just may be the biggest rub. I am desperate to "DO" for others, but cannot at this moment. It is my time right now to be blessed by the charity and love of those around me.

Someone asked me yesterday how I was feeling, and I gave my answer of "Great! Fine! Wonderful!" She looked me in the eyes, and said "Now tell me the truth!" That was a shock. I realized that I have been telling myself that I am really fine, when I am not! I mean, I am definalty better then I was 3 weeks ago, or even last week, but I am not 100 percent as yet. It is coming, slowly and surely, like Spring. I feel my spirit rising, with each passing day that I go longer and longer without a headache, or longer and longer between doses of pain meds. It is a strange stirring feeling, when I realize that my body wants to be moving, running, jumping, swimming, leaping and just Being. It is tired of laying in bed, day after day, listening to the world go on around it, passing it by. Oh, I have done lots of reading, watching interesting documentaries, snuggling with my babies, but it is no longer enough. I want to be DOING!
I realize that I still am like a baby lamb, not quite strong enough to go running through the fields quite yet, so I will stay close to home for now, until I can steady my gait. But there is an end in sight to this! I will be full of energy once again, and be able to do the things that have been just outside my grasp for the past few months.

I will not let this "thing" that is wrong with my body define who I am for the rest of my life. It is my reality now, but it will not be my reality in a few months. I look forward to what the Lord has in store for me, what my family has in store for me, and what life has in store.

I had the privelage of going to our Stake Conference yesterday, in Lodi. We were so blessed to hear an Apostle of the Lord speak to us, and give us each a blessing. I hadn't planned on going, but at 10:30 Saturday night, the overwhelming thought in my heart was "GO! you will know why later!" I told Joe that we needed to go, and he agreed with me. We got up at 6am and left by 7am, and arrived 2 hours before the meeting was to start. We had a wonderful time, meeting up with old friends, and meeting new babies, hugging, and gaurding our seats (lol)!
After several wonderful talks, we were privelaged to hear the words of Jeffrey R Holland. He ended his remarks by performing an Apostolic blessing. He told us from the pulpit how proud the Lord was of each one of us, and how if we held fast to our faith, it would see us through the hard times. He blessed the sick, and the grieving, the sad and the lonely. I remember feeling so sad, because in my selfishness, we had left the kids at home, instead of bringing them to see this man of God. It was like he could hear me, when he said "I want each of you to know, that this blessing goes with you, to enrich the lives of those at home, who could not be here." I about fell off my seat! How did he know just what words to say , to ease my heart?

I woke this morning, with a sense of purpose, of what the Lord wants me to do, the woman he wants me to be. I just hope that I am up to the challange.

I can't wait.

2010-03-02T09:06:00.002-08:00

To whom it may concern:

I am DONE! being nice, that is. I am so tired of constantly worrying that others may get their toes stepped on, and so, I am done.
This morning, a certain someone was commenting on how stressful the next few weeks are going to be. Yup, I get it, seriously stressful, and not at all fun. What with me going in for surgery, and having to deal with the kids and baseball, and field trips and scouts and and and...
But can I just say that while I get the monumental task of what is to come, there is no real need to freak out! I already feel crappy enough about not being able to get things done, like I need the added pressure of dealing with neurosis of others. I know that the added stress is from having another certain someone visiting, whilst in the middle of a complete blow up of her life, bringing with her the children that while adorable and sweet add to the complete crazy of this house. It was mentioned that it would just be easier if I didn't come home from the hospital. Umm, really? where would I go? Who would take care of me, or am I just going to be miraculously healed the second I step out of the hospital doors (well, actually wheeled out, they don't let you walk out, lawsuits and all that) I hate that I feel like this, that I am being a burden to my family. I know that it is really difficult for them right now. But basically being told that I am only adding to the stress and it would be easier if I wasn't around is kind of a slap in the face. Especially when I am trying my hardest to keep things under control, look out for my kids, keep them fed and under control, while meeting their social and emotional needs.
How did I become a second class citizen in my own house? And over night?
While I certainly do not begrudge the presence and needs of the certain someone who is visiting, I do wonder when I got shuffled to the back? I should be totally used to this, it has happened my entire life, so why start changing that now? (Pity party.... over)
When am I going to be done with the forgiveness that I give out like candy? 'Cause, eventually, even the most ardent chocoholic wants something with substance.

2010-02-18T15:37:00.000-08:00

OK People, I am on the hunt for non medication headache reliefs!
I want all your lovely tips on how to get rid of a headache, without the use of narcotics, 'cause frankly, that ain't workin' any more! I am up for pretty much anything, as long as it doesn't involve sacrificing kittens to the full moon. (though at this point, I would almost be willing to try it... nah, not really that far. Yet.)

Thank you and I will be trying out whatever you throw at me.
I am getting to the end of my rope pain wise, and just hope there are some drugfree ways out there that I can entertain!

2010-01-09T17:28:00.000-08:00

Today, I am frustrated. I am sad. I am angry. I am surprisingly reticent.

I woke up last Wednesday morning at the crack of 6 am, swung my legs over the side of the bed, went to stand up, and immedialty fell back into bed.

"Babe, I don't think I will be making you breakfast this morning!"

"Why not?"

"Cause the world is spinning, and I don't think I will be getting out of bed today!"

"ok, well, that sucks. Go back to sleep. Love you!"

I have Pseudo Tumor Cerebri, which basically means that my brain doesn't process my cerebral fluid properly, and when it builds up, it makes my brain think it has a tumor, which then triggers it to act like it has a tumor, with the lovely effects of dizzyness, fuzzy vision, headaches, nausea and over all feeling crumby. I had a shunt placed in my head last June, with the hope that this would fix the problem.

So, after spending Wednesday flat on my back, in bed, on Thursday, I went to my regualr doctor, to have him check me for any infections, thinking that if I had an ear infection, or a sinus infection, that this could be the reason for the funkyness. Unfortunatly... nope, not an infection, call your NeuroSurgeon. Blah.

Friday, Joe took me down to Sac to see my Nuero Surgeon, and I was feeling pretty good, until we hit the edge of town, then I started to feel real whirly. The nurse in the office informed me that it was a good thing that I was feeling funky, cause you can't fix what isn't there! (she was funny, and the B/P machine kept freaking out on her, but she had a great sense of humor!)

Christie, the doctor's NP, told me that it sounded like the shunt may be malfunctioning. Dr Schrot confirmed her thoughts, and they are sending me for lots of fun tests, like shooting nuclear isotopes in to my head to see if it leaks!

This week will be the determintaion as to whether I will be going in for more surgery, or if like Joe says "its all in your head!"

Ugh.

2009-12-16T19:37:00.000-08:00

I heard a term today, that I decided to absolutely hate.

"Spontaneous Abortion"

It was in reference to miscarriage, and it hit me very very wrong. To me, an abortion is a choice, made by a person to consciously kill a child. A miscarriage is not chosen, it is endured, suffered and devastating, not just to the woman who has it, but to those who love her.
(Before anyone freaks about how I feel about abortion, I understand that there are instances where it is necessary, such as cases of incest, etc. Also, many women who make the choice suffer emotionally)

I did not choose to have 3 miscarriages. Neither did my best friend. I know many women that have had miscarriages, who would be devastated to hear the term used in relation to their loss of pregnancy.

Losing a baby, even in the first few weeks of gestation is horrible, especially when you have begun to prepare for the new addition to your life. Calling it an abortion only makes it harder for me to move on. I wish that Heath care professionals had a clue.

Dear Keely

2009-11-13T11:31:00.000-08:00

You are growing up way too fast. I thought that I would have at least a couple more years before I had to fight you on what you wear to school. Heck, when did fashion become higher then function when it comes to shoes?

You are too tall, you are too pretty, and you are too smart.

I wanted you to stay little, and slightly goofy looking until you left for college. I didn't want pictures of Zac Efron up in your room, with cute little notes under them stating "He's so cute" and "Wow, he's hot!"

I certainly didn't want you to start noticing boys. They are still supposed to have cooties, and play on the other side of the playground. They are not supposed to be sending notes home in your backpack, asking for your number, and asking you to call them.

It makes me cringe when you disappear into your room with the phone, and talk for hours with your friends.

That said, I want you to know just how proud I am of you! You are getting amazing grades, you love reading, and you are a fantastic helper here at home. You are a great big sister, and a very accomplished "Sorry" player. Trust me, your brothers appreciate it too! You are the person that Kori cries for if she can't have me, or when I say no! Your friends all love being around you. In fact, the moms of your friends all agree that it is a joy to have to have you around. You have a good heart, and are a wonderful example at church. You are articulate, and choose your words carefully.

I love you, and am so blessed to have you as my firstborn.

Thank you for being you!

Love Mom

2009-10-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

Jeff is a special little guy. He has shown himself to be a very bright boy, already very quick to help others, and has been labeled "a little old married man". He has found himself a girl, who makes his day brighter, and the mention of her name gets him out of bed, dressed and out the door to the bus. A day without Haylee is a day without sunshine, or Icees, as far as he is concerned. He is her protector, hand holder and snack police. She is his speaker, his homework remember and his cupcake maker.

When they meet at school, they are inseparable from the second they meet, until the moment that either I or Haylee's mom picks them up from school. If you want to see a forlorn little boy, have mommy pick him up and leave Haylee sitting on the curb waiting for her own mom.

Haylee has a severe allergy to nuts, and Jeff is the snack patrol in our house now. He has even begun to boycott PB&J sandwiches, in case he may see Haylee at some point of his day, he is fearful that he might have the oils from the Peanuts on his hands, and he would not want her to have a reaction to it. Any time we bring anything new into the house the first thing he asks is "was it processed in a Nut-free factory?" For his Birthday, he requested a cake that Haylee would be able to share. He panics if we are out and someone nearby has nuts of any kind. "If Haylee was here, it would make her sick!"

She is his world. I didn't realize that being shoved out of his universe as the center would be so soon in our lives. He is after all, only 5. But, she is a great girl, and I can see them growing up together, and having a life together. I have heard stories of families that are begun that way, of knowing love since Kindergarten. It also helps that her parents and Joe and I all get along wonderfully.

I want that kind of love for Jeff, without heartache, with the knowledge of who he loves from practically day one.

Ask me about it again in a few years!

2009-09-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

Last night, two families in our community lost their homes. There was a fire that ripped through first one trailer, and then the second. Added to the terror, two propane tanks (the large ones!) blew up as well. in total, 5 adults and 8 children now have nothing but the clothes they ran from the burning buildings in. It all started at 1:30 in the morning, and while firefighters got to the scene quickly, there was no stopping the flames from destroying everything in thier path.

Please join me in praying for the families to be comforted at this time, and that our community can come together to support them in this sad time. Prayers especially for the gentleman who was not able to get himself out of his home, and the brave firefighter that broke through the window to pull him out. Thanks to the paramedics that did what they could, with what resources they had, and the Lifeflight helicopter pilots, for getting him to UCDavis as quickly as they could. May he recover and return to his family.

(thanks to Renee, who took the pictures last night, just down the street from her own home)

Poem for Jay

2009-08-31T09:26:00.000-07:00

They used to be so tiny,

resting on my chest as he nursed and burped and smiled

They grew with him, like a puppy's paws

Bigger then I imagined they would be

They are sturdy hands

usually covered in dirt, blisters and jagged fingernails

used for digging in the dirt or throwing a baseball

But they can be gentle and soft,

helping his sister, holding her hand as she wobbles up the stairs

holding on for dear life

when he holds my hand with his, I feel the strength

that he will have as a man

I picture him holding his future in his hands

his sweetheart, his babies

And it makes me want to hold him that much closer, and tighter

Everyday he makes me proud, makes my heart ache

Fun Stuff

2009-08-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

This Amazing company, Madsen Cycles, is having a weekly contest, to win an awesome Bike! Help me enter by clicking on the link on my sidebar, and then go to the site and enter for yourself!(if you click on mine, I'll click on yours!) Its fast, easy and a really cool prize!

Have fun and stay safe!

Cover your heads, the glass is about to fly!

2009-08-11T15:33:00.000-07:00

People that say "I have no problem with the way you live your life, but..." need to cover their heads, because the glass that makes up their perfect house is about to come crashing down on their head.

I posted (over a year ago) a video of my two little boys rocking out to "Enter Sandman" by Metallica, on my Facebook account. Recently, I have had a couple of negative comments, that not only was derisive of my lifestyle, but also of my race.

You must be wondering what my lifestyle is, if it is taking some heat. Am I a devil worshipper, or perhaps a Fundamentalist of some sort? nope, just your run of the mill, rather normal member of the LDS church (in other works, I am a Mormon) What is my race then, you wonder? White, white, white. nothing interesting there, unless you count Canadian.

The comments made were that the viewer thought I was sick for subjecting my children to Metallica, and that he would never understand "white people", who were weird, and sick.

Are you kidding me? While Metallica may not be the most appropriate listening for little kids, it certainly does not make me a child abuser, or a sicko, for letting them hear it. What would be sick would to only let them listen to one kind of music, and to not let them hear the many different sounds that are out there. Music stirs the soul, exercises the mind and body, makes us move, helps us remember things, brings back memories long forgotten, opens us up to talents we may have kept hidden, or didn't even know we have. I watch my children while we listen to music, and not one of them can sit still. Whether we are in the car, or at home, or at the pool, they all start to boogy when they hear a tune. It has become a game to see who can name the artist and the title of the song the fastest when we are travelling. No matter the music, there is joy and movement.

So, I will continue to expose my poor innocent children to all the many types of music in this big huge world. They will be scarred for life, and it is my fault. I bet they will thank me, when in 20 years they are driving their own kids somewhere, and they can name some obscure tune and the singer. Or, maybe they will just smile, and let their 8 year old jump in with "Jason Mraz, I'm Yours" and remember driving with me.

2009-07-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, it has been forever since I sat down and blogged.
Well, I have basically felt like crap for a long time, that I haven't wanted to be a whiner.

Anyway, we will be moving within the next few weeks, over to a way bigger house, and Joe's Mom and Dad have moved down from Red Bluff to be with us, and to look after me. (how pathetic am I, I need looking after, lol?) The kids are in seventh heaven, and I am really enjoying having them here. We are so lucky that we all get along. I am very happy that we are moving to a bigger house, because this house is just not quite big enough for 8 people! We got to go see the new house last week, and are in total love! It is huge, and spacious, and brand stinkin' new! Never been lived in!
I will post pictures of it when I get around to taking them.

As for my health, it has been quite the rollercoaster, with lots of appointments, and headaches, and feeling kinda crummy, but dealing.

I will be going to the Neurosurgeons on Friday, to have the shunt checked, to make sure it is working properly. I have been having continuing headaches, but I think once I have the gastric bypass surgery, those will go away. My primary care has put in the refferal for me to have the surgery, so hopefully this time next year I will be completly cured, healthy and (drumroll please) Skinny!!! I thought that I would lose weight fast once I had the Shunt placed, since the symptoms that were making me feel crummy were supposed to go away, but that has not been the case. I have only lost a total of 6 pounds over the last month, and I have been eating next to nothing.
Oh well, it has always been a huge struggle for me to lose weight, so I guess this is just one more hurdle in the road! This too shall pass!

Alright, now I need to go take a nap, since the pounding in my head has started to subside!

Thank you all for the love and prayers!

Kiar

2009-06-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

I realized when I wrote this long email to a good friend that this was exactly what I needed to update everyone with what is going on. Enjoy the highs and lows that have been the last 2 1/2 weeks of my life!

I have what is called "pseudo tumor cerebra" which is an excess of fluid building up in my head, causing my brain to think that it had a tumor, complete with dizziness, nausea, fuzzy vision and headaches (my personal favorite of the above list!)In short, the pressure was building up and causing my optic nerves to become very stressed, to the point of tiny hemorrhages, which freaked my optometrist out! the first Neurologist that I went to didn't believe there was anything wrong with me, and sent me for an MRI just to make me happy. the MRI was clear of any tumors, or masses (good news!) but he then dropped the ball as far as getting me in to do a Lumbar puncture to measure the fluid in my brain. (think spinal tap) So when I was no longer able to drive because I had limited side vision and sparkles flashing in my eyes at weird times, I went back to my Optometrist, who freaked out even more, and got on the warpath. He called UC Davis and talked to the head of Neurology, who got me in that day.

I was in the hospital for 5 days, had another MRI, 2 lumbar punctures, a CT scan and more blood tests then you can shake a stick at. This is where the real fun began. the Neurology doctors and Neurosurgery doctors began to fight over who was going to do what to me. the Neurosurgeons wanted to place a shunt in my head to relieve the pressure, and send me on my merry way. the Neurologists on the other hand decided that they wanted a Venagram done to make sure I had no blockages in my brain that was restricting the flow of cerebral fluid, causing the blockage. So they discharged me over the weekend (Memorial day) because there was no anesthesiologists available to put me under for the Venagram.So the next Wednesday I went back, and ended up getting bumped by a brain aneurysm (darn those almost dying people!) and was rescheduled for Friday.

When we got to the Hospital on Friday they informed me that I was to be admitted, because if there was nothing on the venagram, I was to be kept for a complete workup over the weekend with shunt placement early on Monday or Tuesday. Well the venagram went well, no blockages, and so they sent me to recovery. The on call doctor for the hospital decided to send me home, going against the orders of my Neurologist (they had a bed and everything set up for me) and they would not call her to confirm that I was to stay. (I was so stoned on pain killers, I really don't remember this part, But I remember Joe telling them 4 times to call her)So I left with orders to call the Neurosurgery clinic on Monday to make an appointment with a Dr to see about having the shunt placed. They will not give me the information that I need, they say that the doctor is not responding to his emails, and when I tried getting ahold of my Neurologist, to tell her what was going on, but the receptionist told me that since I have never seen her in the clinic I am not technically a patient of hers, and so will not even let me leave her a message.

I am getting very frustrated, because if they had just done the shunt a week and a half ago, I would be home, and recovering. (with a shaved head too!) I am really tired of the whole runaround crap.So in a nutshell, that is what is going on with me! Fun huh??? hee hee!

We are hoping to hear from doctors today, and if not, we get to start throwing around the dreaded "L" word: LAWYER. that may get them off their booties!

So that is my update. hopefully I will have more news in the next few days!

2009-05-07T09:36:00.001-07:00

I am asking for some prayers! Kind of apropos, since today is National Prayer day.

Yesterday I went to my Optometrist, who informed me that the Swelling in my Optic nerves is significantly worse, and I now have some hemorrhaging around the optic nerve, and if I am not taken care of immediately, I have a very good chance of going blind, or at the least having permanent vision damage. He had an associate come and look at me, and his response was "Why hasn't she had a Neurologist look at her?" To which Joe, Dr. Fronk and I started to laugh hysterically. Dr. Fronk then called Dr. Santos, who said to get the Primary Care doc to fax her the orders. While I sat there, Dr. F called Dr. Ngeaun, and he faxed the orders immediately. I then was sent to pick up a copy of my MRI and the results from the hospital, to give to Dr. N.
Fast forward to 4 pm. Dr N calls to tell me that he had faxed the orders and Dr Santos had called to tell him that I was too big and that she will not do a spinal on me in her office, without ever having seen me or even speaking to me. So Dr F calls a patient of his that is a Radiologist, and she says to fax her the orders and she would do it. She calls Dr N and tells him she can't do it either, she isn't comfortable with not knowing my history and my being SOOOOOO BIG. So Dr N calls Dr Vanfossan, who tells him that he doesn't remember me, (big surprise there) but if I call him today, he will make me an appointment, and "see what he can do". What absolutly kills me is the fact that I have had 4 epidurals, and no problems. I ask you, if I can curl up to have a needle shoved into my back at 9 months pregnant with no problems, I bet I sure as shooting could do it now, while not pregnant. Heck, my last anesthesiologist told me I had a great back for sticking a needle into. He didn't tell me I was too fat for that.

My mother in law tells me that I need to fake the worst headache of my life and go to the Emergency room and tell them I am not leaving until something is done.

I called UC Davis Med center today, got the referral number and "requested" that Dr N call them and get me a consult. If it is deemed "Medically Necessary" I can be seen in 48 hours. If they don't think it is that important, then I will probably have to wait another 10-15 days.

Short of ripping my eyeball out, I guess I don't have much choice but to play thier little games, and just hope for the best.

Needless to say, my self image has taken a real hit in the past couple of days. Having been told my entire life that I am not too big, and having friends and family tell me I am fine the way I am, and then being pushed aside by medical professionals because I am so big they won't even see me can be a little bit of a smack down. I know I am not a tiny person, but up till a few days ago, I thought I was ok. Apperently, I am not good enough, and I am being punished for being overweight.
Wow, who knew that for being chubby, I would get the prize of losing my eyesight???

Somthing just ain't right here.

Blessings and trials... ie Normal life!

2009-05-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Jeff brought in the mail, and what I believed to be a stack of bills. It was indeed a stack of bills, with one exception. The envelope that we believed to contain a "nasty gram" from Joe's Student loan holder was actually (drum roll please) a letter informing us that since he has been such a good boy and sending in his money every month for almost 10 years, they were going to forgive the final $560 of his loan. Paperwork would be sent to him in the next week or so, to show the whole process was taken care of, and to file in our important papers file.
I sat and cried for a few minutes.

Last week, a new friend (who is swiftly becoming a good and close friend) informed me that she wished her husband could be at home on his weekends a little more often. They are co-owners in a small apparel store here in our town, and her sweet hubby has been working on his days off from the Sheriff's dept. to cover the flaky girl that they have just fired. Since I understand the "he gets no time with the children, or with the wife, and no sleep either" I volunteered to work for him. They have now decided that I am one of their workers, and the beautiful thing is I can take the little ones with me to work, there is a tv and movies in the back room for them and the whole store is kid friendly. Its not a ton of money, but it defiantly helps. It is one of those "I prayed really hard, and the Lord was immediate with his answer" kinda things.

Next on my agenda is to call the primary care doc, and see about getting put on some kind of medicine to stop the fluid retention. Heck, what do I have to lose? (except ecess fluid, lol) We are still waiting for the paper pushers that have my referral to get off their hinnies, and get it to the insurance and then to the Neurologist. To say I am a little frustrated, is a wee bit of an understatement. The fuzzy vision is almost to the point that I have trouble seeing the computer, and it is hard to drive. (Yeah, Joe is on the verge of yanking my license) Headaches are daily, and get worse through the day. My Vi codeine is not working any more, and just makes me fuzzy and sleepy, and barfy. So I also need some kind of painkiller that works, doesn't make me sleepy, or make me sick to my stomach. (I was informed that 1000 mgs of Ibuprofen is not good for the liver, even though it is the only thing that seems to work) I really wish that the Barometer would stop fluctuating, since when it goes up and down seems to be when I get the headaches the worst. Going to church is a challenge, since our ward is in Murphy's which is a significant elevation change. One Sunday, my head felt like it was going to explode until I got to the building and the pressure equalised in my head from consitancy. (Fun times)

Thankfully, the little ones seem to be getting along well even without the big kids here to entertain them. (staring at a bunny all day makes you mellow, I suppose) Jay and Keely are doing well, for only having been at the school for 5 days, and their teachers seem to really enjoy them. I mean how can you not? They are both incredible kids, and even Jay's teacher is impressed with the fact that even though he hasn't been doing alot of the stuff that they are covering, he catches on quickly. I love how they can generally go with the flow of whatever is going on around them. That is a huge blessing for me to see.

School is almost out, only 19 more days. That is kinda funny, seeing as how if I was still Homeschooling, to get them caught up I would have had to do school all summer. Perhaps the Lord knew that this would be too much.

Anyway, I am trying to take each day as it comes, and just roll with it. There is no sense in crying over it, when it just makes my head hurt worse! Lol!

we interrupt your regularily scheduled programming for these important messages...

2009-04-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

This week, I had to sit down and realize that I have been doing my children a disservice. When we moved here in November, We decided to keep the kids out of school, and to homeschool. We love it, and the kids were doing wonderfully.
Since getting sick, school has taken a back burner, what with me not being able to see straight, having headaches every day and dizzy spells accompanied by wanting to vomit. Most days, even if I am up early, it is not really "up". Its more like I am in autopilot, and luckily I have a fantastic 8 year old that gets breakfast for her siblings.
I talked to several moms in the area about the local school, and the general consensus is that this is a small school, with very few problem teachers, and only one crazy bus driver, who we can avoid. The classes are small, and so the teachers have more time with individuals. I
I decided that in order for Keely and Jay to not lose the year of school, I needed to put them back into the public system. After speaking to our HS teacher, she concurred that I needed to do what was best for my health, and that when I am well again, there is nothing stopping us from going back to the CAVA program.
I have spent a lot of time on my knees praying about this, and crying. But I feel good about it, and hope that I can get back to 100% soon, and maybe next year, I can keep them home again.
Ok, so I am now off to call the doctor to see about the appointment with the Neurologist.
More later

2009-04-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday! Whoo Hoo!
Joe got to go see one of his buddies graduate from the Academy, and was all studded up in his Class A's complete with "Smokey the Bear" campaign hat. Man he can look intimidating while in Uniform. I would never want to get pulled over by him on a bad day. (or perhaps... let's not go there!!! lol)

I got a call from the doctor yesterday, the Primary care, and he told me that there is nothing wrong with any of my blood work, except my cholesterol is a teensy bit elevated, and to eat more veggies. (Fries are a vegetable, right?) He is going to get me that consult to Dr. Santos ASAP, and we shall see when she wants to do a spinal tap. When poor Dr. Fronk was asking her to see me, she was asking how big I was, and the sweet man was totally embarrassed to say that I was a big girl, so he said I was around 200 lbs. *Snicker* When he asked if that was ok, I laughed at him and told him he was a doll and it was totally ok. (Apparently I hide my chub well. who knew?) She told him that "A woman that size will be hard to do a spinal on." Umm, well, tell that to the 4 people that have given me spinals/epidurals, with no problems at all. I have seen poor anesthesiologist have to stick people (the record was 7) time and again, but I was told the last time that I have the perfect back for sticking a needle into. Yeah, that's a frikkin' great trait, right? I was made to be a pincushion? ick.

anyway, so when I get more news, I shall write about it, this is getting to be a very long process, but I am glad that I had all the blood work done, to see if it was something "simple".

I am off to make Garlic bread for the ward potluck. Yummo!

Update for Friday

2009-04-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

OK, I put in a call to the UCSF medical center, to be told that it will be at least 3 weeks till they can decide whether I actually have a problem, and am a candidate for their ever so illustrious help. When I told the receptionist that I do not have 3 weeks to screw around with my eyesight, since it has been more then a month since this ball got rolling, and it was at least 6 months prior to that that I was exhibiting symptoms, she then told me, well you can have your doctor fax us the pertinent info, and mark it ASAP. So I called my sweet optometrist who gave me the initial diagnosis, with the intention of having him take care of it. He was out of the office. But he will be back on Monday.

Crazy Neurologist wants to do a spinal tap in his office, "sometime next week" he said in a very vague way, "I'll have my receptionist call you to make the appointment." Well that was Wednesday, and no one has called me, and when I try to get through to them, there is no voice mail. Also, being Friday, no one is in the fricking office.

My husband is about to have a complete meltdown, since he is getting very worried. Last Thursday, I had some weird clear fluid coming out of my nose. I am a mom, I know what snot is! this was not snot. so Friday morning, I call the nurse hot line, and am told to get to the hospital. The triage nurse at the hospital tells me (and I quote) "Don't let them tell you it's just a cold!" After 5 hours of lying on a hard hospital bed in a stupid drafty gown, with a grand total of ZERO tests done on blood, urine and the funky stuff coming out of my nose, I was informed that since my MRI results (from the previous morning) were clear of tumors, I MUST JUST HAVE A COLD. I was given a prescription for Vicodine, and Allegra-D (umm, isn't that for allergies??) and told to call my doctor on Monday. Later that night, the fluid stopped draining out of my face, and that was that.

As I was doing more research last night on "Pseudotumor Cerebri" I learned that this is a disease that should not be left for very long. I could indeed lose my eyesight if it is left unchecked. Plus, since the symptoms have been getting worse, I am getting dangerously close to the point of not being able to recover from the damage that is already done.

On another fun note, yesterday, I did something to my shoulder, and it feels like fire is going through it when I try to lift it away from my body.

Joe says that I am just trying to use up the deductible all on my own. I am just happy that I have the Vicodine prescription from last week.

Thank heavens for wonderful friends, neighbors and family that have been such a blessing and help in the past few weeks.

Torcher and other fun mom activities

2009-04-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted to REALLY bug the heck out of one of your kids? Today, for me it was the little one. She kept bringing me her sandles, and wanting them put on and then she would wander off to take them off again. After about the sixth time, my patience was shredded, and I took them from her and velcroed them together by thier straps. (Insert evil laugh here).
I believe her exact words were as follows: "Mamma, noooo, uhhhg, Ihnnnnn (throwing them down) uuuuuuuhhh-uuuh NOOOOOO!" Followed by a good old fashioned Skreech.

Bwah ha haa haa haaaaaaa!

2009-04-04T17:02:00.000-07:00

I don't like my neurologist. He looked me over very perfunctorily, seemed as if he was perplexed as to why I was even there, informed me that I needed an MRI (DUHHH!!) and then told me that I would most likely need a lumbar puncture, to check the levels of fluid, which he would perform in the office, after had my MRI. After the relief that I was finally going to be sent for the stinking MRI, I dissolved into panic. A lumbar puncture, in his OFFICE??? Don't those usually have to be done in the hospital, where you can lie down, and NOT get a spinal headache. I think he mistook my silence as fear of needles, and said "Don't worry, it's a tiny needle, much smaller then the one they use for epidurals!"
Umm, that's just peachy, but you are not sticking a needle into my back in your icky little office with no real assistance (since his office girls are a freaking joke).
So, I shall go for my MRI on Thursday, and take the disk and go to his office, and if he even thinks about trying to stick a needle in my back, Joe has my permission to shoot him... not fatally of course, but maybe in the back.
I think I may need some Valium. Sadly, I am not even kidding... I wish I was.

Anyway, I shall attempt to keep this updated, as it all unfolds!
Thanks for all emails and posts of concern. You guys rock

Love,
Kiar

Thanks so much Dr. F!

2009-03-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

Can I just tell you how much I hate doctors?? oh, yeah we are back to this again. I thought everything was solved with the Meiners disease diagnosis, but I just found out that this was VERY wrong. I actually have what is called "Psuedotumor Cerebri" which basically is my brain thinking that it has a tumor, when it is actually massive amounts of fluid pressing on my Optical nerve that is making me dizzy, nauseous, along with the constant tinnitus. Umm, can we say not good, since it could make me go blind? So next week I get to go to a Neurologist to see whether it will be pills or a Spinal Tap that will solve the problem. Yeah ,you read that right spinal tap. Oh, and since I am "plumpy" this is the whole cause of it! (who knew that I would be up for gastric bypass this fast? I thought I had at least 50 pounds to go, lol)
Oh, did I mention that the neurologist that I am going to see is a scary (as in screws people up for life) guy, according to several people that I have spoken with? Ack. So if anyone knows a decent neurologist in Northern Cali, give me his/her name!!!!
I don't actually hate doctors, I am just tired of not knowing what is wrong with me, and want it fixed.

Bunkbeds= danger!

2009-03-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

So far, now that our boys actually have mattress' on their beds, they have stopped using the boards as weapons, but a new danger has arisen.
Keely forgets she has long legs (or so she says) and likes to sit on the top bunk while watching Madagascar and swing them back and forth. So far we have had a bloody lip for Jeff and and for Jay, a lovely cauliflower ear!
I told her that if she squishes the baby, she better pack and move to Alaska!

Jasmin Kori

2009-02-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

My sweet baby girl has turned into a... I shudder to say it... A Toddler! And not just any kind of toddler, the kind with selective hearing, a climbing fetish and a propensity to get into anything and everything that she should not be into. As I type, she has turned on the TV, opened the DVD player, unplugged the laptop, thrown a toy in the trash, tossed a toy across the room, walked into my sore knee (the one with the HUGE purple bruise on it) ran to the kids room and slammed the door (they are trying to sleep) and is now standing in front of me crying as if her world is imploding.
She loves to turn the DVD player off in the middle of whatever her Sib's are watching, take daddy's PlayStation controllers to other rooms in the house, get into and eat the cat food, climb up to the counter and eat the butter, open the sliding glass door and run out into the yard alone. When she sits on your lap, she can't just sit there, oh no, she has to find any microscopic blemish on your hand or arm and then pick at it till you either toss her off your lap or yell at her. When you yell at her, her big blue eyes fill with tears and she sobs as if it is all going to end.
When she is awake, there is no rest.
But when she sleeps, I sit and hold her, listening to her breathe, feeling her tiny heart beat, watching her eyelashes flutter. I relish her warmth, savour the sweet smell of soft, fresh baby skin and her baby shampoo. Her rosebud lips pout and smile at the dreams in her head. Occasionally, something startles her and she jolts awake, staring up at me. Comforted by my presence, she gives a smile and a sigh, and returns to her slumber.
She plays hard and sleeps hard. She is wonderful, terrible, adorable... She is Kori.

Fliberty snarks!

2009-02-07T13:07:00.000-08:00

Don't you hate it when you have written a wonderful post, outlining a fun and awesome adventure, when you are nearing the end, and your 16 month old hits the reset button on your computer and then looks up at you with her big blue eyes and goes "Uhhh-Ohhhhh!"

And you can't do any of the things that are running through your head, because you are on the phone with your husband, who would not hesitate to shoot you if anything was to happen to the apple of his eye? Plus the fact that she is too stinking cute for words and I just want to munch on her cheeks when she giggles.

Darn cute kids.

New Hobby for the Shaws!

2009-02-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

Friday was dark, rainy and kinda cold. But this did not deter my fantastic husband from acting like a little kid with a new toy. He was out on patrol, and realized that in the very area he was in, there was a hidden treasure! So he called me and sent me to the Internet to do some research. When he got home, by gum, we were embarking on a new adventure that was sure to bring the accolades and adoration of his children.

We were going Geo Caching.

Did I mention that it was pouring rain???

He arrived home, and I informed him, "no we are not going out in this icky weather, it is too cold and wet and gross!" to which he replied "oh, fine..."
I watched as my exuberant, excited hubs sat quietly at the computer, not quite pouting, but with a quivering lower lip. (have I told anyone that I have to be the Meany??) Finally after about 40 minutes of listening to him say things like "oh, that would be so cool... did you know we can do this in Iceland... Oh wow, there are a ton in our area!"

I relented.

"Go get your stinking shoes and jackets on people, we are going on an adventure!"

"Are we going out to dinner?" was the question posed by the six year old, "I bet we're going out to dinner!"

"No we are not going out to dinner! We are going on an adventure! Get in the flipping car!"

So, off to the Adventure we went. First stop: a Graveyard.

Yup, we are in a graveyard, in the pouring rain, under a huge oak tree, searching in the dirt for a tiny film canister that has been left there over a year ago, by weird people, that may or may not even be there, since it very well could have been "muggled" (a new term for stealing that I learned last night).

As the children start to get more excited, I get colder. Kori is sound asleep in her car seat, and my husband and three older children are digging like crazy people at the base of a tree surrounded by rocks, looking for the treasure. As we are about to give up, thinking that it has indeed been muggled, Joe, with a huge grin on his now rosy cheeks, shouts "Aha, you goobers, I have found it!"

The tiny film canister was cleverly hidden inside a rock that had been hollowed out and retro-fit to hold it tightly. It had been picked up and flung aside several times in their fervour to find it. (I, of course was telling them "don't disturb the rocks, put everything back where you found it. We are in a cemetery for crying out loud!")

Now I am sure you are all waiting with baited breathe as to what the fantastic treasure was that awaited us inside this tiny plastic canister:

It was a piece of paper with all the names of people before us that have found this particular site, and left a piece of their heart behind.

So Joe signed it, and we placed it carefully back where we had found it.

Pictures were taken, kids were happy, and I was glad to get back in the van, were it was warm!

On to the next site, where this time, it took about 30 seconds to find, sign and depart. The kids loved this one, because it was behind an old stone building and they got to go inside and have their picture taken as if they were in jail!

Definite Kudos to my sweet Husband, who has indeed found a new hobby for our family! The kids talked all the way home about how fun it was, and how they want to find more and more sites.

Who Knew??

2009-02-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was awoken to the dulcet tones of 4 gorgeous children and a hunky hubby screaming, er, singing at the top of their lungs. There was no chance of sleeping in, or letting the day pass. I didn't feel any different, but I was informed that in some way, I was definitely changed and time had put its indelible mark on me.
Yesterday, I turned 30.

Up until yesterday, I had no idea that 30 was old! I thought it was merely another number in a (hopefully) extremely long line of numbers to come. But according to my sweet husband, I am no longer a spring chicken, or in the pleasant dawn of youth. I am old! (but he is still older! neener neener!)
My best friend left a voicemail for me, singing "you're old! ha ha, you're old!"
My Mother-in-law called to ask how I was holding up.

People: I Do Not Feel Old!

I have no desire to feel old, in fact I will fight tooth and nail against the urge to wrap myself in a crocheted afghan and take my Geritol. I will not start going to bed at 7pm and watching PBS.

Late night rambling!

2009-01-22T23:07:00.000-08:00

To all the idiots out there that speed and then get ticked off because they get pulled over:

Stop being a jerk! Yes, my husband is aware that "real criminals" are out there commiting crimes. Yes, there are other things that he could be doing. But your happy hinie just blew past him doing 50 in a 35 zone. Oh, did you notice the "Slow, Children at Play" sign that you breezed by? No? Oh, my bad you were on your cell phone, beacuse your life is just that hectic that you HAD to talk to this person right now, and heaven forbid you pull over? And your sweet little roll through the stop sign? Nah, no one will notice, especially not the three kids you just about ran over!

I live in the middle of No Where, and I admit that I do speed on occasion, on the highway, in broad daylight, in good weather. But I would never do it in a residential area, or any place that I know that children were about. Heck, I drive 15 miles an hour in our neigborhood, and town and it's posted as 35! Let me tell you though, if I ever got pulled over, I would take it like a woman, not pout and cry and throw a fit, because if I get pulled over, there would be a reason.
I would obviously be breaking a law, making me (by association) a criminal!
People who break laws are, say it with me, commiting a crime!

So People: SUCK IT UP! Take your tickets and pay them! Don't cry, scream or show my Husband your chest, since if you just own up to it and apologize, he might let you off with a warning! I am so tired of hearing the sob story about how so-and-so took something from your brother's uncle's sister-in-law's step-cousin's scooter basket, so it's up to my husband to solve the crime and bring the perpetrator, who may or may not be a monkey crossed with a raccoon wearing a sparkly dress and high heels, to justice!

It is late, and as you can tell, I am tired.
Goodnight, and drive safe!

Crazy girl!

2009-01-20T15:57:00.001-08:00

My baby is a daredevil! She has been exhibiting her crazy side today by trying to flip our giant recliner over. She has the footrest out, and it's leaned all the way back, and she is bouncing on it, as hard and as high as she can. She has been warned that any and all injuries cannot be pinned on Mommy, and that the nearest emergency room is 1/2 an hour away! She is making it hard to stop her by her absolutely infectious giggles that start at her toes and bursts from her cherub lips accompanied by a grin that would split a watermelon in half.
What a goober!

It's all in your head!

2009-01-06T09:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it's not a tumor! hurray!

For the past few months, after many dizzy spells, some hearing loss, falling down, two different doctors and generally feeling crappy, I finally have an answer that does not entail my early demise or massive surgery on my brain!!

The first doctor I went to proclaimed me "Brain Tumor-ous" and sent me for blood work and an MRI. The insurance kept dragging its feet and subsequently we didn't get the MRI, and then we moved to another town. So, Joe and I decided to cut loose the doctor and find another (he kinda creeped us both out). We remembered that the awesome Doc that operated on Keely when she was 3 to remove her tonsils and adenoids was in the nearest "hospital" town, so we contacted him, and he got me in immediately. After listening to my history, and looking at me, and doing some fun tests, he declared me "Non Brain Tumor-ous" and told me that it just didn't stand to reason that I had one, and to be careful, he would send me for an MRI but that it was most likely "Meniere's disease" which is permanent, but not deadly! He scheduled me for a followup hearing test, and told me to stay away from salt and caffeine.

After being off of caffeine for 3 weeks, I am proud to say that I have not had one dizzy spell, or fell over at all. (unless you count getting tripped by the cat, but that is a whole other post). At my hearing test yesterday, I was declared "fully functional, with no hearing loss!" I don't even have to schedule a follow-up appointment, or have the MRI. I was told that if I do have another episode of hearing loss, to call and get in immediately, so we can establish a baseline for my pattern of flareups.

Let me tell you, it has been a tense few months! But, with lots of prayer and blessings from above, our family has weathered it all. I am so grateful for faith.

To grate, or not to grate?

2008-12-29T09:05:00.000-08:00

So Christmas came and went, and it was fun! We went to the in laws, and had lots of junk food and ate ham and Yum-Yum potatoes. (As Sarah would call them "Cheesy-Potato Goodness) We didn't think that the store would be open on Christmas day, and realized at 11pm on the Eve, that we didn't have hash browns for the dish! Panic ensued, until I realized I could use "real" potatoes to make the recipe. So when the in-laws went to my Sister in Laws house to open presents with their kids (don't ask, I thought it was dumb) I spent 20 minutes grating 'taters. As I was finishing up the last stinkin' spud, in the door comes a jolly little elf (ok, my MIL) bearing gifts of bags of hash browns! Arg.
She must have seen the look on my face and sent those offending bags of non potato goodness off to the outside freezer, to be banished from my sight. I am not saying I would never include them in our holiday festivities, but I had just grated 5 pounds of potato's and was a little attached to them. Not to mention I didn't want to waste them.
The Yum-Yum's were a Christmas Dinner hit, with most people going back two or three times to load thier plates with the tasty, creamy and delectable satisfaction in spud form. It's official, that is my favorite recipe, and I will use real potatoes from now on!
Hope that one and all had a fantastic Christmas, and will have a safe and sane New Year.

2008-12-22T15:54:00.000-08:00

My Christmas present came today, and I know what it is, but Joe won't let me open it! Argg, what a butt! I want to play with it! He got me a new Camera! A shiny 10 megapixel with insane zoom, and lots of fun little gadgets on it. And he won't let me open it yet! He says I have to wait till Christmas morning to play with it, but how will that be condusive to me taking wonderful stunning and thought provoking pictures with it?? I need it now!
Hee hee, he just called and is on his way home for a stopover, and we will open it together! I see his plan now, he just wanted to be there when it got opened, so he can play too!
Maybe by the time we get back from Christmas at the In-laws, my other computer will be fixed, and I can upload my sure to be amazing pictures!

Until then, my loyal readers, Adieu, and Merry Christmas!

Jeffrey Sauve

2008-12-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

Jeffrey: "Momma, you pretty!"

Mom: "thank you!"

Jeffrey: "And you smell good! and you have pretty hair"

Mom: "uh-huh, thanks..."

Jeffrey: "can I have a hug?"

Mom: " is that why you came in here? for a hug?"

Jeffrey: "ummm, yeah... Oh, and a cookie!"

2008-12-11T22:35:00.000-08:00

I want to share why I am so glad that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. It all boils down to one wonderful and amazing doctrine that I have built my future and the future of my children on. The Principle of Eternal Families. When I am struggling with my day to day craziness, health issues and the bills stacking higher and higher, I have the blessing of knowing that my family will be together, forever. Not just here on earth, but truly forever. It doesn't matter what car we drive, or if we have to eat Top Ramen for a week, my family is together, and strong. My children love each other with a love that is fierce and protective. At times they do battle until my ears hurt, but if someone else dares to lay a finger or say an unkind word, they had better hightail it to higher ground. My husband is at the center of this, a good man, a strong man, and worthy of the priesthood that he has worked so hard to be the holder of. He is the strong and stable base of our family unit, holding us up when we feel as if we are floundering in the sea of discontent. My role is the nurturer, and provider of kisses for skinned knees, teacher and also protector. I feel some days as if I must truly gird my loins in armour and march into battle, being pulled in every direction.
As I put the baby down tonight, in her big sister's room, I made my last checks on them. The boys were in their respective bunks, arms and legs in acrobatic poses only small boys seem to be able to master in their sleep, and Keely woke a little as I put the baby in beside her on the bed. She smiled up and whispered, "I've got her momma, I love you!" and was immediately asleep once again.
What would I do without one of these precious joys that the Lord has given me stewardship over? I would be lost, and desperate for one more hug, to hold them in my arms and tell them how much I adore every last little slobbery kiss, that every dandelion brought to me clutched in chubby fingers was more precious to me then all the exotic flowers in the world. I would tell them how proud I am to be their mother. And I would strive that much harder to be worthy of joining them in the Eternities.

Lovealot ain't just a carebear!

2008-12-11T14:46:00.000-08:00

10 reasons I love to hug my kids

1. they giggle when I squish them

2. it usually results in a tickle war

3. they smell so darn good, especially after a bath

4. they squeeze back

5. it says "I love you, and you're the most important one to me at this exact moment in time"

6. I get to look into their eyes, and see their thoughts

7. it can cure a tummy ache, a headache or a fight with their brother

8. it's great exercise for your arms (try to hug 4 at once!)

9. I'll miss them when they are grown up and leave me (darn kids grow too fast)

10. they are just so dang cute!

crimes against pie

2008-12-06T10:31:00.000-08:00

Last night I was accused of aiding and abetting a couple of pie thieves. We still had some delicious pumpkin pie left, and my sweet adorable children asked to have a piece. Me, being the wonderful and caring momma that I am, said "of course, but please leave a little for mommy and daddy to have a slice later." Little did I know that this should have been a supervised and strict event! (oh heck, I was feeling like doo doo, and couldn't stand up straight let alone think straight!)
Later as I entered the kitchen, after family scriptures and prayer, to indulge myself in a little slice of heaven, I was shocked and annoyed to see what was left of the pie. Little fingers had dug huge tunnels into the pristine smooth landscape of deliciousness. I called all suspects into the kitchen, and before me stood 2 small boys with guilty grins on their faces.

"who did this to the pie?"
"I dunno... "
"just tell me, and no one will get in trouble!"
"maybe daddy did it before he left!"
"I doubt it, who did it? Jay? Jeff?"
"not me"
"not me, either!"
"ok, boys, here's the deal, one or both of you is lieing, and we all know what mommy thinks of people who lie! So, just tell me, and there will be less punishment!"
"mommy, if you hadn't have left the pie down where we could get into it, we wouldn't have done nothin'!" (are you kidding me??)

So there you have it. I am an accessory to crime.

Chocolate Nog

2008-12-05T00:06:00.001-08:00

Have you ever had one of those bitter sweet days, when something totally wonderful happens to you, but all too soon it is over?
My best friend called me at 8:30 am this morning, while I was still groggy (late night, bad dreams, and a child that would not leave me alone), to announce that she and her adorable family were on their way to visit us in our new house. To my chagrin, I had no idea for the first five minutes of our conversation who I was actually granting permission to come to my house! But, I was confident that whoever it might be, had to be someone close to my heart, since only our loved ones have our new phone number. Once I realized who it was I was speaking to, I was wide awake, and ecstatic. It was my bestie Sarah, my spirit sister, who I have been missing for way too long. She is the person that I can tell anything to, vent to about whatever has my knickers in a knot, and I can yell at and she forgives me. And heck, her hubbie is about the closest I will ever come to a tried and true Brother. (Plus, their girls are the cutest thing since, well, my girls!)
Once it was settled, and they were on the way, I looked around my new house and realized that I had minimal cleaning to do, even for company. In our old house, I would have had to call out the bomb squad to clear a path to the kitchen, and I would most likely thrown my hands up in despair, and we would have gone out to lunch. But, no, in my new and wondrous kitchen with its beautiful peninsula, and extra counter space, I was ready, willing and able to whip up some homemade Strombolli. When they arrived, we feasted to our little piggy hearts content, sent Joe off to work, and planned our next meal. (what can I say, it's how I live, planning the next feast!)
Our children played and ran around our yard, with the amazing stamina and fortitude against the cold that only the under 10 crown can handle, adventuring up and down the length of the field that is now our extended yard. They carried their backpacks and swords, and hunkered down in the tall grass, hunting for ferocious beasties that only they could see. Even the two older girls joined in, still at an age where it isn't yet considered to be "uncool" to hang with little brothers and sisters. They were convinced that they were going to camp out on the back porch tonight. (umm, no, sorry! way too cold!)
Inside, we smushed baby cheeks and smothered the two little ones with kisses, listened to baby giggles, and tried to convince 14 month old Kori that she is not quite ready yet to hold teeny Isabella, no matter how cute and doll like she may be.
We laughed and talked over the prep of a spaghetti feast. Joe popped in a time or two, just to say hi, and then to snag a quick meal.
Finally, I made Chocolate Nog, and we watched a show together, and got the Patino kids ready to go home, and my kids to go to bed.
Just before they left, I asked if we could all kneel in Family prayer, to ask for their safety in the drive home, and for good dreams for our family here at home. It didn't even seem odd to ask them to join in our Family prayer, because, they are our family.
In this world, where it is hard to find friends that have the same morals and beliefs as your family, I have been blessed with a select few that have become more to me then just friends. They are the brothers and sisters of my heart. They are the fathers and mothers and grandparents that I needed as I was growing up, in addition to the ones I was blessed with.
The reason I called it a bittersweet day, is because you can never be sure when you will be blessed with their presence again. A year ago, we almost lost Sarah to a car accident. I struggle with what it would be like if we had indeed lost her, this mother of (now) three gorgeous girls, beloved wife, and soul sister. These days, I have become much more ready to listen to the spirit, and to take to heart what the Lord is trying to tell me. He is telling me to put my family above all things. I will no longer take for granted the everyday, mundane things that I have before. I will attempt to live each day as if it were my last, and hold my children close, love my husband with all my heart, and ensure that those I love, know it.
So to conclude, it was a crazy, lovely, wonderful day. It was a typical PaShaw day!

The New house!

2008-12-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

Hurray, Hurray! We are the proud renters of a fantastic 3 bedroom house in the teeny tiny town of Copperopolis. Where is that you ask? well, it's in between Angels Camp and Stockton. We don't have Walmart, or more than one grocery store! But, it is gorgeous here, with partial views of a golf course. (Joe is in heaven) We moved to be closer to Joe's work, and he was given a take home car! yeah, we should be saving about $300 smackers a month, since he can now come home for dinner, and the dept. is paying his gas.
We have jumped in the deep end as far as homeschooling, and we are excited to be getting big boxes of stuff next week from our home school association. Its a really cool thing called California Virtual Academy, and they send out all the curriculum, and have teachers available if you run into any trouble!
The kids are loving having their own spaces, and Joe and I definitely love having a room that the door can actually shut.
I love my kitchen, and have been cooking and baking up a storm since I arrived. Joe says its about time, but now his uniform is getting kinda tight. LOL!
For anyone who wants to, the door is always open, so come on over. we have lots of space, and lots of air mattresses!

That light at the end of the Tunnel? yup, its a train!

2008-05-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those... lives, where you just feel like nothing is going to work, and its your lot in life to constantly fail, and die in poverty, but as long as you keep smiling, it doesn't matter, cause no one cares anyway? (ok, deep cleasning breathe)
I have been poor my entire life. I get that I will probably be for the rest of my life, but argg, I want better for the kiddos. To those blankity blank people that would say "if you don't want to be poor, don't have more kids" I say "Thhhhppppt!!" I am following the counsel of a higher authority then stupid capitalists. (However, the stupid people with money do have a point, and more money)
Ok, now that I have vented, and cried and sucked it up, I just need to find a better way to be at home with my kidlets, and to make money too.
Blarg.

Clinton dwellers unite!

2008-04-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

hey there sportsfans! I was reading my comments tonight, and found one that I hadn't seen! it is from someone in Clinton, Ontario! I am so excited, I hope that you read this and tell me who you are! I miss everybody from the "old country" and love to hear from old friends. So Jaguar, if you are reading this, hit me up on myspace, or leave me another message.

I would like to thank my most loyal fan, Kaylie, for all the love and support she has given me over the years. Sniff sniff... Sob! I miss you!

Married to the Law

2008-03-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

IT IS FINISHED!
Ahh, I can finally breathe a giant sigh of relief, only to gulp in a bigger breath to hold for the next 20 years, until he retires. You see, my hubbie has just finished the police academy. Yup, that's right, he is now a Deputy for the Calaveras Sheriff's Department. He carries a gun and everything. (he refuses to carry Pepper Spray, thats a whole 'nother story!)
For six months, every Sunday, I would help him pack up his truck, and send him off to a city 2 hours away, where he was attending his training. Usually, he got to come home on Thursdays, but a few times, I only got to see him one or two days a week. Those weeks were the worst. But, as of Friday, March 28th he was done, and I couldn't be prouder of him. It hadn't really set in, until his boss, the Sheriff, came up top me, and handed me his badge, and asked me to pin it on him after he was sworn in. I got to sit for an hour holding it, in a state of panic. To be perfectly honest, I almost threw up on the Sheriff's shiny shoes!
The moment of truth arrived, and in front of 700 people, I had to go up and put Joe's Badge on him. The problem was that I was concentrating so hard on getting it through the little grommets on his uniform, I forgot how to secure it. So I got to fumble with it a little. Ah heck, just chalk it up to nerves. Jay then stole the spotlight as he snuck up behind me, and jumped on his daddy to give him a huge hug! Everyone oohed and ahhed appropriatly.
Tomorrow morning will be his first day. I will get up, and help him get ready, and send him off. I know that he will be safe, since he will be in Orientation for the next two weeks. After that, its anyones guess. I know that he goes every day with my prayers and the prayers of our loved ones. I can only trust that Heavenly Father will keep him safe, and bring him back to me. He has the training, and faced every challenge the instructors threw at him. He has great people to train him at his department.
Anywhoo, I need to go to bed now, so I can get up in the morning with him.
Just remember when you're out there, the cop who pulls you over, is someone's husband, or son, or brother. He could be having a bad day too, so just try not to scream at him. He gets that enough from "the Real Criminals" (more on that at a later date!)

bedtime

2008-02-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

OK, I'll admit it! my day was long and boring and I could be in Bed right now, but that would mean I would have to be snuggled up next to... the baby. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I really want to be snuggled up to Joe. I am having a "I miss Joe" day, and it really bites. But here is the real deal: I absolutely love having the bed to myself! When Joe is home, I have to share precious real estate, and not only do I have to fight him for it, but the baby and the 15 pound cat as well. (yes our cat is almost as big as the baby!) I end up smushed in between two humans and a fuzzy critter, or I am perching precariously on the edge of my bed, praying for morning to come so that I can get up! And that is on a lucky night when the 3 year old decides to stay in his own bed. I am a chubby mama, but yet have been known to be able to sleep on about 4 inches of bed. I will not even go into the blanket hogging that goes on. It is much too disturbing. (For me anyway, perhaps I should seek professional help)

For those of you who have the same woes as I do, there is one thing that keeps us coming back. The smell! Ah yes, the certain sweet aroma that is your significant other. The smell that has us rolling over to his side of the bed when he gets up to leave in the morning, when we snuggle into his spot, still warm from his body, wrapping the blankets around us, and drifting back to sleep face deep in his pillow, strategically avoiding his lovely "drool spots" from a long night of dreams. (I have found flipping the pillow over to be a good avoidance tactic)

Since actually writing this out, I am now seeing the error of my ways! Perhaps we should go back to the old days, when husband and wife shared a room, but co-existed in twin beds. I think I could probably just steal his pillow when he leaves in the morning!

But then, how would I snuggle him? Fall asleep listening to him breathe? Stick my ice cold feet on him? Be there to hold him when he has a bad dream about losing one of the kids in a mall? Wake up to him staring at me? Get dutch ovened? (ok, I could totally live without that one)

New plan: deal with it! Learn to love my 4 inches of real estate, and be happy when he gets up before me, so I can get the bed to myself! (oh, and pray that the baby learns to love her crib. Doubtfull, but I can always dream about it right?)

new to this!

2008-02-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I am not the greatest writer in the world, and maybe my kids aren't the most adorable in the world (but they are the cutest half Canadian half American kids in California), but for what its worth, to those who I never write to, or call, This is for you! I know I have been a horrible friend, yah, well get over it!
Here's a chance for us to catch up, and you can do it at your convienience. (Aren't I sweet?)

I am now a stay at home mom, after having had a fabulous career as a CNA in a nursing home, and more recently a amazing hospital, where I got to help with the babies! yup, I got to be there for quite a few deliveries, helping little lives to get off on the right foot. I also had to help the dads up off the floor when they fainted! My most memorable delivery was a good friend of mine, who got to the hospital at 7 cms and thought for sure we were going to send her home. (she didn't think she was in hard labour) My favorite part was getting to give the first baths! I carried on a tradition that a nurse friend started with my children, which is singing "I am a Child of God" to each new little soul I got to hold. It was amazing, and I may go back someday, when I have my nursing degree.

Hubbie Joe is in the Police Academy at the moment, with only a month or so left to go! It has been a really long haul, and very tough, but we have learned that faith and paying tithing will get you through anything! He will be working in the next county over from ours, where he was previously working as a 911 dispatcher. He loved that job, but needed more. He wanted to be the one to help people, not telling the guys were to go! (though on occasion, he did enjoy telling them where to go!) We were blessed by the department approaching him and asking him if he wanted to go, and offering to pay for it! We would never have been able to pull it off ourselves.

We now have 4 spectacular kids! our oldest is Keely, and she is 7. She is a sweet and loving little girl, that is growing up way too fast! She is in 2nd grade this year, and loves to play softball. (she's pretty good at it too!) Jay is our oldest boy, and is 5. He enjoys his Kindergarten class, and can't wait to play tee-ball this year. Jeffery is 3 and loves to hang out with mom! He is very smart, and surprises us every day with what he picks up just watching his big brother and sister. Last, but not least is Kori. She is 4.5 months old, and is a joy! She is a sweet, happy and adorable little (ok, not so little, she's 18 pounds) bundle of cute! She always has a smile for everyone, and loves to watch her siblings do pretty much everything. And they in turn love to perform for her.

We are privliged to belong to an amazing ward, that has welcomed us with open arms and open hearts. Joe is now teachin gin Elder's Quorum, and I am serving in the Primary Presidency, as Second Counselor. I love the sweet ladies I serve with, and we always have a blast together!

I think that this is probably enough for my first post! Its time for bed, and 6:30 comes pretty quick around here!